where does the pee come out of this thing
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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