Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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