Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
