Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
