Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
