I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
