I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
