We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
