just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
