SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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