God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
