I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
