When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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