I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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