I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
