I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
