Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
