Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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