I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
