I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
