Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
