Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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