You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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