NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
