i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
