I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
