Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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