moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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