i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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