I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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