literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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