I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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