I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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