I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
