You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
