Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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