I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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