I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
