I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
