I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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