he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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