Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
