we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
