Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
