Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
