just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
