I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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