Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
