I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
