i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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