Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
