Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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