WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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