I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
