When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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