so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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