I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
