I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
3 2 1 whiskey
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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