she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
