i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
