This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize