He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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