Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
