I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
