Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
