Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
