i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
