I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dicks are not precious.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
